Satire:Grand Theft Auto: CollabVM Edition

From Computernewb Wiki
Revision as of 11:08, 21 May 2022 by Undefishin (talk | contribs) (Did you think I would forget?)
(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
File:Simple Globe.svg This is totally real, I swear.
Grand Theft Auto: CollabVM Edition
File:GTACollabVM.png
The cover of GTA: CollabVM Edition

Grand Theft Auto: CollabVM Edition is a fictional 3D video game for the PC involving a intricate and articulate interactive storytelling about the whimsical characters of a evergrowing community of a website in which you have fake computers that you can control for no more than 18 seconds online, which is none other than this very place, and a story set in a video game universe that is surrounding it, written by some faggot.

It was released on June 15, 2016 in North America and Computernewbia, June 16, 2016 in Alabama, June 19, 2016 in Opalocka, Florida, June 21, 2016 in Europe and Australia, December 31, 2016 in Japan, and June 1, 2017 in Hong Kong for the Fagot 2000 system. It was later released in South Africa on March 10, 2017.

All other ports documented/released after either around this time (at the time of the game's full release), or (in early 2018/at any particular point of 2018) and after, are all fake. The only legitimate ports after the fact was the little known port to the Virtual Boy, Atari Jaguar, Game Boy Color, Nintendo Labo and the PlayStation 1. There are also recreations for this game in the Garry's Mod engine, the Redneck Rampage engine and the Postal 3 engine.

System requirements

ORIGINAL VERSION (v1.00) (PC)
# Processor Graphics Card Graphics Output Graphics Technologies Memory Sound Card Operating System
Min Minimum:
486-DX(2),
Pentium (1/Overdrive),
AMD K6(-2),
early Athlon processors		 Minimum:
Tseng Labs ET4000,
S3 Trio 32/64,
GeForce 2/4 and up,
Voodoo 1/2,
AMD Rage 128,
Microsoft Basic Graphics Adapter,
RGB Software Rendering		 Supports: VGA Supports:
OpenGL 1.0+,
DirectX 2+		 Minimum:
4MB (Basic Software Rendering),
16MB (Medium Software Rendering),
32MB (Advanced Software Rendering)		 Minimum:
Sound Blaster 16,
Intel HD Audio, Realtek AC'97,
Innovation SSI-2001,
Disney Sound Source		 Minimum:
Windows 9x,
Windows NT 4.0,
Windows 2000,
Windows XP,
Windows NT 6.x,
Windows NT 10.0
Rec Recommended:
Pentium 2/3 and up,
Intel Core (2) Duo,
Intel I3/I5/I7 Series		 Recommended:
Voodoo 5,
GeForce FX5200,
GeForce 210 and up,
AMD Radeon R2 and up		 For Compatibility Purposes:
SVGA,
CGA,
EGA,
Monochrome,
Hercules		 Recommended:
OpenGL 2.0+,
DirectX 6+		 Recommended:
128-512MB (With Graphics Card),
1-2GB (Near-Full Experience),
4GB (Full Experience),
16-64GB (ULTIMATE EXPERIENCE)		 Recommended:
Sound Blaster Audigy (2),
Sound Blaster Live!		 Recommended:
Windows 2000,
Windows XP,
Windows NT 6.x
T - - - - - - For Full Backwards Compatibility: Anything Before Windows NT 6.x

Story (as described from the official 2018 canon)

In the distant year of 2025, the Supreme Autismo Forkies have taken over and infested CollabVM City, Computernewbia stock full of Andrej Akan's brainwashed memzfag army and several thousand vacbedlover alts.

You take control of 6 characters, CHOCOLATEMAN, D0rtz, kekero, CtrlAltDelete, Windows98_SE and FluffyVulpix and your goal is to FUCKING DESTROY Andrej Akan, Troll101, TheBiggestTroll, vacbedlover, Onutė Saulutė (78.63.40.199) and the fucking list goes on, and destroy the Supreme Autismo Forkie nation once and for all.

You will be forcefully given fellatio, escorted, raped, and assisted by the biggest fucking autist of them all, Mark, an unlockable character when you finish the first mission. This fucker becomes your sidekick for the first 2 missions but gets killed by some faggot, but you still get the unlockable character anyway (Don't bother with the unlockable, you'll not be able to pass the first mission without dying).

Oh yeah and Windows98_SE died due to the lack of feces other than his own lately, but he still appears in the game anyway.

Weapons

  1. Fists (ID: fists)
  2. Golf Club (ID: golfclub)
  3. Spiky Dildo (ID: spikydildo)
  4. Fork Bomb (ID: forkbomb)
  5. Pistol (ID: pistol)
  6. Colt Python (ID: coltpython)
  7. Shit-Shooter 9000 (ID: ss9000)
  8. Zelag (ID: zelagreee)
  9. Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout (ID: bbbb)
  10. Samsung Galaxy Note 7 (ID: phonegrenade)
  11. IED (ID: osamasdogbiscuits)
  12. SMG (ID: smg)
  13. Laser Gun (ID: lasergun)
  14. Windows98_SE's BFG9000 (ID: bfg9000)
  15. Admin Panel (only usable for Dartz and CHOCOLATEMAN on the Impossible difficulty (and all difficulties after completing Impossible))

Difficulties

Baby Mode - Game is so fucking easy you can instantly win all the missions. Every weapon is OP.

Normal Mode - The main difficulty. Usual mechanics, usual health, usual weapons and usual enemy health.

Hard Mode - This is a mode designed for experts. You start off with a pistol, no Mark to fuck up your day this time, and twice the forkies. You'll get a achievement when you beat the game, a pair of black sunglasses, a spiked dildo, and a IRL BFG9000 will be delivered to your home so you can destroy forkies in one hit just like in the game, leave no traces!

Impossible Mode - A mode designed for cool people and only the coolest. You'll get a better reward than in Hard Mode, the Admin Panel will be available to you and all cheats will be unlocked, including the unused ones!

Hidden Mode - Basically, you start off with the fists and no other weapons. Sidekicks are completely absent, the forkie autismo infestation has persisted across half of the entire Earth. At this point, we have entered intergalactic war with a previously undiscovered extraterrestrial species, with a surprisingly close connection to the Forkies. This is presumably because they share the same body language, albeit they have different thought processes and Aliens are less susceptible to hypnosis, and boiling.

This is not going to be a easy mode for experts, impossible mode winners, and you.

Cheats

To access the cheat menu, press the tilde key like every other fucking game on the planet, do fe_cheats 1 (Cool fact! To bypass having to enter this, press Shift+~ instead of just ~) and you're done. Known cheats:

killemall - Kills everyone but you

access_admin_panel - Activates the super secret bruteforcer***

give_[weapon id] or #give_[weapon number] - Gives you a specific weapon. (except the Admin Panel)

win - Win the mission

lose - Lose the mission

rethink_life_choices - Kills you

crash_game - Crashes your game (same as access_admin_panel)

Trying to give yourself the Admin Panel disables all commands and changes all your weapons to the Useless Weapon until game restarts

give_me_power_you_poxy_fuckwit - Gives you 50k dollars.

lods_of_emone - Blasts "Loadsamoney" and gives you 69k dollars

i_eat_pitbulls_for_fucking_breakfast_mate - Gives you 700 Armor Points.

XR3ITURBONUTTERBASTARD - Max Ammo and 1000 Armor Points (must be typed outside of cheat menu while playing any shoot-em-up minigame, oh and must be typed in lowercase)

secret_mode Gives you the hardest, hardest mode. All weapons are useless, you start off with fists. Nothing will work. If you complete this, you're the god of this game.

im_spoiled_give_me_cash 250k cash per walking. very OP.

adminpanelsareuselessgivemethenewerone Gives you the real Admin Panel. It lasts 30 minutes.

If you find some cheats, just edit this section!

See also

Retrieved from "https://computernewb.com/w/index.php?title=Satire:Grand_Theft_Auto:_CollabVM_Edition&oldid=850"